Today I have been thinking about something that happened to Rusty when he was teaching English in another province. It's probably been over a year since this happened, but I've really been thinking about some applications to my own life.

When Rusty goes over to the other areas of the country, he has a Thai man that goes with him and makes sure about the arrangements and helps take care of Rusty. It's good to have this sort of liason and makes working much easier. This particular area set up transportation for Rusty and his friend to return to the airport, but when they arrived at the airport the driver asked for more money. The Thai man thought this was weird as everything was supposed to have been covered. When they returned to this area a few months later, the Thai man asked the local officials about this driver to make sure he had been compensated for his time and services. Apparently this man had done wrong in asking for more money and got into some trouble. Although this was not the intention of anyone involved the man became very angry probably because he looked bad for asking for more money. He then proceeded to cut off the electricity and water to the place where Rusty and the Thai man were staying in order to "get revenge." So here's why I've been thinking about that story...

We have several ways of dealing with problems in our relationships. If someone says or does something offensive, some of us choose not to say anything...we just keep that bitterness inside and hold a grudge. Some of us choose to talk to the person immediately and then let it go. Some of us may not get angry, but we will get revenge, gossip about that person, or just break off the relationship completely. Some of us...well maybe a few...will choose to forgive and not worry about it anymore. Most of us will be aware when someone says something that offends or hurts us so much, but we are completely oblivious to the words we say that hurt someone else.

Have you ever thought about how much grace, love, and forgiveness it takes to keep a relationship going? I'm not saying that you should never confront someone if they say something that is wrong or inappropriate, but I am saying we should do so while keeping in mind how many shortcomings we have also. None of us have arrived...including myself for sure! I battle with my thoughts. Sometimes I get annoyed that my memory is not more selective when it comes to hurtful things people say. Haha! Both sides of the relationship have to work hard to keep it going--realizing that none of us are perfect. Both sides have to extend grace and forgiveness often; we are human after all.

I remember when our youth group was leaving out on a ski trip one time (many years ago), Rusty said something that I took the wrong way and got my feelings hurt. I remember one of the sponsors asking me if I knew that Rusty loved me. I answered yes, and she proceeded to give me some good advice. If I knew he loved me, why did I assume the worst about what he said? Why did I assume he said it to hurt me? I wish I could remember that more often.

As Christians we need to be careful how we counsel other people too. I'm sometimes guilty of just agreeing with someone and perpetuating that victim mentality--telling them they were so mistreated and basically telling them they have the right to live in anger when forgiveness is clearly what is needed. It doesn't mean that every relationship needs to be maintained, but bitterness in the heart will ruin you. You only have control over yourself; you can't control what others will say or do. True friends will challenge you to do the right thing and will give you godly counsel from the Bible.

I'd like to close with a Bible verse. Pro 10:12 Hatred stirs up trouble; love overlooks the wrongs that others do. "Lord, help me overlook and help my friends to overlook also."