Validation from People Part 2

After re-reading my post on where validation comes from, I decided that an additional post was needed for some clarification--or to look at it from a different viewpoint. I think that as listeners we have a great responsibility for what we validate and don't validate. We're not always the one doing the talking. So when we're on the receiving end and someone is looking to us for validation, what kind of guidelines do we need?

At the beginning of 2010 I went to a seminar led by Sarah Lanier. She gave some very good guidelines for how she handles conflict management when she counsels with cross-cultural workers and teams. I was so impressed with her guidelines that I thought it might be helpful for people in all kinds of situations whether they be ministry, work, or friendship contexts. We all have so many interpersonal relationships that we have to maintain and nurture, and none of them are free from conflict. So there might be someone out there that will be as excited about these things as I was and will want to put them into practice as well.

1. There is no story without both sides.
2. Believe the highest about the person. (I've often wondered why we are so quick to think the worst about people.)
3. Ask a question instead of making a statement. Judgment (making statements about someone) shuts off understanding the other side of the story.
4. Seek to understand.
5. Assume you've got it wrong--there must be an explanation.
6. Deal with it before it festers.
7. Make a commitment to not gossip.

I really think that if we put these principles into practice, people would truly know that we are Christians by our love. This is exactly what I spoke about at our ladies' retreat last year. I challenged them with a 30 day challenge for their "sandpaper person"--the person that is abrasive and just seems to create conflict in their lives. Here it is...
1. Read your Bible and pray every day.
2. Pray specifically for your "sandpaper" person every day by name.
3. Make a commitment to not gossip in any way about that person.
4. As you think of good qualities that person has, write them down and thank God for them.

Think about it and then do it. It certainly won't hurt, and you just might be surprised at who God ends up changing.